New Definitions

Alternative introduction:
We begin with a round of New Definitions. Most people these days are so inarticulate, they don't even know the meaning of "dictionary" or "thesaurus". Well now, a dictionary is
an alphabetical list of words and their meanings. Whereas a thesaurus is a specific dinosaur. [Whoever], would you start please.
 
 
 

Team 1 Team 2:
Darren:
Pistachio - Hairy alcoholic

Boolbar:
Concur - To Trick A Dog
Toilet - A little bit of effort
Codswallop - What happens when fish don't look 
  where they're going
Ballpark - A Jock Strap
Curtain - 10 Dogs
Bicycle - An icicle that hangs both ways
Waterfall - Rain
Document - Correcting a Doctor
Van Der Graaf Generator - Mad German 
  scientist shows Irish singer his machine for 
  cloning tennis stars.
Gas Mark Five - To destroy evidence of human 
  cloning

Chalky:
Oasis - A newcastle greeting to a female sibling
Camisole - A suicidal fish
Bipolar - An eskimo who's not fussy who he 
  sleeps with.  
 
 

Merlyn:
Sellotape – An Irish record shop

rab:           
Machination - Scotland
Flagellation - Extreme bunting

Others
Stevie:
Forklift - Viagra
Herbivore - One who eats VW Beetles
Maypole - Might hold a referendum
Monkey - Devoutly religious
Ivory - A bit like a Welshman
Palmistry - Masturbation technique
  - Mum never was very good at counting
Peanut - A collector of legumes
  - One who is obsessed with Golden Showers
Persecute - Attractive penis
Pottery - bespectacled, irritating and all-pervasive
Diarrhoea - The late Princess of Wales’ debts
Muesli - Inspirational breakfast
Altered - Married
Privilege - section of rock face, on a long climb,   
  designated for calls of nature. For this reason it 
  is vitally important whilst climbing NOT to look 
  upwards when someone shouts ‘below!’
Meteorologist - Hunky specialist in urinary 
  medicine
Logarithm - Chopper technique
Hazard - Someone told him
Phoney - Sort of like a phone
Paucity - Birmingham
Leitmotif - A picture of a bulb
Menhir - The Gents
Cabinet - Device for catching taxi drivers
Freshet - Mind your step
Coalesce - Strategic objective of environmental 
  lobby
Ibex - ‘ello David
Exponents - Defeated opponents
Gastronomic - The cost of nouvelle cuisine
Adverse - Rhyming publicity
Claptrap - A condom
 
 
Mystery contributor:
Soviet - Russian napkin
Minimise - Quick way to double the length of a 
   song
Gymkhana - Scots for "James is unable to do it"
Illegal - Sick bird
Locate - Greeting someone who's called Kate
Lavender - Someone who sells things, in France
Sentimental - Drove him crazy
Comeuppance - Invitation (as in "Comeuppance 
   see me sometime")
Euthanasia - Young people in a large continent 
Insania - Cure for insomnia
Feedback - Vomiting

Dunx:
Puerile - To be annoyed in church
Velocipede - Ran to the toilet.
Maximal - A very large shopping centre
Minimal - A shop

NotMrsBobthedog:
Reptile – Roofing salesman
Organic – Musical instrument repairer
Intelligent – Male TV presenter
Conceal – To dupe a marine animal
Douche – Please be quiet
Universe – Single lined poem
Buoyant – Male insect
Baking – Hot monarch
Vegetable – Furniture made of carrots
Botanist – Musical bum
Shamrock – Status Quo