Team 2: rab and lib: Film - Three Words.

Ethel: Oooh! Doris!
Doris: Ethel! (Various old-lady type noises)
Ethel: Keeping well dear?
Doris: Mustn't grumble... been shopping?
Ethel: The prices of things nowadays - how I'll afford those bootees for Tamara's boy, I don't know...
Doris: Aren't you knitting them?
Ethel: No! I've been to Nottingham! Seeing the family.  How's yours?
Doris: Fine dear.  Chrysanthemum's looking very good.
Ethel: She married yet?
Doris: Yes, 20 years ago.  Married a chap called Atkins!
Ethel: Really?
Doris: Yes, they live in Cambridge you daft bat.
Ethel: Nice home have they?
Doris: Oh yes - all that, what is it now? G-Plan furniture. Mind you -- I think she might be wasting away a bit, very thin.
Ethel: No dange of that with Tamara...
Doris: Oh! How's she looking?
Ethel: Very... porky.  Stuffing her face constantly she is.
Doris: You know what that is?
Ethel: Oh yes, I know why... it's just that...

--Tamara Never Diets--

A: Hi! How’s the business going?
B: Not too well, I’m afraid. Market’s saturated over here… Have a spot of Edam!
A: Oh, thanks! (Pause) Not bad!
B: Ta! How about some Ilchester Mexicana?
A: Ooh, lovely! (Pause) This is really good. So, have you decided what to do yet?
B: Well, I’d like to keep my hand in, so to speak, but – Oh, don’t sit there! There’s a Brie maturing!
A: Sorry!
B: There’s no point in keeping the shop open. It just can’t compete with the supermarkets.
A: That’d be a shame. You loyal customer base will be disappointed.
B: Trouble is, there aren’t enough of them to make it worthwhile. However, I have a plan to relocate somewhere cheaper, and sell on line. Fancy a bit of Caerphilly?
A: Cheers! (Pause) Hmmm… So you’re going to take off somewhere…?
B: Well, I’ve been looking into the logistics, and I reckon the best place for me to relocate to would be The Holy Land.
A: What?
B: Yep – cheaper labour and property rent, plentiful milk, and a new local customer base.
A: What – out near Bethlehem?
B: No, but you’re along the right lines. Hey – try this Mozzarella, it’s great!
A: (Pause) So it is! I presume that the shop will no longer be going under the name of “The Fromagerie”.
B: Indeed not. But I’ve already worked out what’ll go above the door.
A: What’s that, then?
B: It’s…..

--Cheeses of Nazereth--

Bob the dog: Bangs gong
Darren: Blows raspberries

--Gong with the Wind--